My Weight Story

This is my story…

My story starts out pretty much like every other little girl with a weight problems story. I just never really felt right in my own body.

That pretty much sums it up. I just never ever felt “up to par” with my friends. Not only was I poor. Not only was I short. Not only was I loud, but I was also (and probably worst of all) chunky. 

I never liked food and I couldn’t figure out why. Turns out it wasn’t food I didn’t like it was the type of food I was eating. I grew up vegan in a non-vegan world. So I would cover my meat in condiments and junk to mask it. Which certainly didn’t help with my weight issue.

But let me just start at the very beginning. From the time I can remember I had a complex about my looks. It could have been because at 3yo I got a deep 4th degree burn from a brush fire accident that covers my right leg. Or it could be the fact that even as an adult I reach an enormous 4ft9in. Or worst of all I started developing breasts in the 4th grade. Do you know how many times I heard I stuffed my bra or “can I borrow a tissue”… All my friends were so tall and thin and I always compared myself to them. In my head I could never be as beautiful as the other girls. I was never tall enough, I was never thin enough, my clothes were never nice enough and then there were the boobs. It’s really sad when a child at the tender age of 10 wants to commit suicide. 

Kids are cruel and girls are vindictive. I wish I could go back and tell my elementary age self “It is okay to be yourself; love yourself”

In  6th grade I landed the football playing boyfriend that all the girls wanted to be with. But I was so uncomfortable with myself that when he gave me his jersey to wear at school before the big game I wasn’t confident enough to wear it for fear that people would make fun of me because I wasn’t good enough to be with him and it would look different on me because I was chunky and had boobs. Needless to say that relationship was very short lived. 

I was harder on myself than any of the kids ever were. I wish I could go back and tell my tween age self “Don’t worry you have met your prince charming, you just don’t know it yet”

By high school everyone was fully developed. But I was more developed than all the other girls. I was still hearing that I stuffed (some things never change) At this point though I have had the same boyfriend for 3 years :) You would think that would be enough to make me happy but the inner turmoil was still so unbearable. I remember every picture of me I would suck in my stomach or stretch my arms above my head to make me look taller and thinner. I joined JROTC because I didn’t feel I was good enough to be a cheerleader but I wanted to do something to keep me physically active. So the ranger team in JROTC was a good alternative. I obsessed over my weight but the weekend would always and without fail roll around. So it was endless late nights with pizza and junk food. I was getting thicker and my friends were getting taller.

The battle scars were not visible but they hurt just as bad. I wish I could go back and tell my high school age self “It is only high school. Your true friends love you no matter what”

During high school I joined the Air Force on the delayed enlistment program. That was a battle in itself, cause I am actually too short to be in the Air Force but good ole Bill Clinton wavered that. Then I am flat footed. You know growing up in the hills of Ky bare foots the thing. Well broken arches are the other thing. But again I got that wavered. Now the battle of the bulge. Yep I worked hard to get under the max weight for my height. Right under the max weight, like 1 pound under the max weight to be in the Air Force at my height. So I had my life planned out. Join the Air Force as a combat photographer. Perfect! Then I got into a car wreck… Got medical discharge. My life was over. I was lost. I walked around in a haze, lost for awhile.                          Then before I knew it married my middle school prince charming. Turns out he loved me no matter what and through it all. That sounds like the end of the story. Nope turns out that was just the beginning of the real up hill battle. 

I wish I could go back and tell my young adult age self “Hang on baby it’s gonna be a bumpy ride, but it’s worth it in the end”

Jeremy and I got married when I was 5 months pregnant with our first baby boy. I had him on his due date via classical c-section (up-down cut) The reason I was cut up and down is because I am 4ft9 and he was 12lbs12 1/4oz. Yeah you read it right. Take your time. If you need to re-read it go ahead. I’ll wait. Okay are we ready to move on. 

He was a sick, sick, sick baby. We spent the first year in and out of hospitals. We lived on hospital food and quick bites. Nothing substantial or healthy. Traveling from Ky to Tn. to the children’s hospital was a regular thing. Which means all the junk food was taking its toll on the already chunky, short girl that recently had a classic c-section.                                      

The worse thing that I probably ever did was get put on the depo-provera birth control shot. It was relatively new at this time and all the side effects were not widely known. I gained 57 pounds in 3 months. Yeah, chew on that for a moment. Don’t forget I am ungodly tall so don’t worry it looks good on me. (Sense the sarcasm in that last sentence?) I completely stopped having my periods. I went 8 years without a period. Not healthy at all! Anyway my point is I was unhealthy and fat at 22. Yay! (More sarcasm) 

By 25 I am pregnant with baby boy number 2. Number 1 is happy and healthy so enter number 2 via repeat (emergency) classic c-section. It was an emergency because he was 5 weeks early, my water broke and he had the meconium stain. He had a triple umbilical cord wrap around his neck and every time I would contract *shivers* he would have a bowel movement. He was born at 7lbs1 1/4oz. Yep another baby, another classic c-section, another 20 or so pounds. So needless to say I am now over 200 pounds at 4ft9. FML…

Even though I don’t have periods anymore they gave me the mirena iud. (You are suppose to have it put in during a period) This birth control didn’t have the unpleasant side effects that I had with the devil *um* I mean the depo. 

Baby 2 is perfectly healthy albeit clumsy but healthy. So no hospital traveling and quick bites here or there but now we are in an unhealthy, we are too blind to see it type haze. So the food is deep fried and breaded and not at all what a person should be eating. Try telling a crazy person they are crazy. They would look at you like you were the crazy one… Well we were of course in the same kind of denial.

2008 = mirena removed. 2009 = baby boy number 3. By far my worst pregnancy. I got in a car wreck early on. That wasn’t the start of my problems but it certainly didn’t help. I was in full on labor by 27 weeks. I had way, way, way too much amniotic fluid. I had enough fluid to be carrying triplets. So the pressure on my cervix was overbearing and it caused early labor. They had me on magnesium sulfate drip through IV and procardia to stop my labor. Being in the hospital from January to April did nothing for my ever expanding waist line. I had baby number 3 six weeks early weighing in at 8lbs4 1/4oz. I had my tubes tied immediately after having him… Oh yay! Baby 3, c-section number 3 and extra baby weight set 3.

Now I may sound like I am blaming the boys but they are in no way responsible for my lousy choices when it comes to food. They are in no way responsible for the genetics that made me short. They are in no way responsible for my insecurities and suicidal thoughts stemming from childhood. Just wanted to clarify that!

Even as an adult I still fight the battle inside that I fought as a child. I wish I could go back and tell myself in my 20’s “Life has brought you more joy than pain, the sweet is not as sweet without the bitter”

At this point I am 30. My family is complete. I have Jeremy and my boys. I am not longer fat… I am obese!!! Yeah, I love my life but want to die. I love my family but hate myself. I have great friends but feel they are better than me. I however do not do anything about the weight. I was filled with the many “I’m gonna change, I’ll start tomorrow, This time it’s gonna be different, Monday this, Monday that’s” Yeah well tomorrow, change and the right Monday never came….

Fast forward to 2013…. 1st week of January (not because of any resolutions) but for no reason at all I woke up in the middle of the night. I thought “I don’t want to die before I am done raising my kids” The change starts now! For my kids, for my husband but most of all for myself! I woke Jeremy up and said “Guess what, we got fat together, we are gonna get skinny together” of course he is 6ft4 so he doesn’t look as big as me but he still needed to get right. He started at 273lbs and I started at a startling 240lbs.

Looking back I was never as big or unworthy as I always thought I was. I am telling my current self “You have always been too hard on yourself. Relax, people love you, now it’s time to love yourself”

So, promptly the next morning (I’m pretty sure I was up before the birds) I got on-line and started some research. What works, what doesn’t etc… I didn’t want any tricks, gimmicks or “get rich quick schemes” I wanted real results. I know the age old, never fail secret of eat right and exercise. The thing is how do I do that. I needed help and guidance. I needed reassurance and coaching. Well after many hours of research… I felt defeated. 

Although, it was only a commercial I felt it was made just for me. Jennifer Hudson told me “Weight Watchers, because it works”

So there it was. It hit me like a tidal wave. I was going to do Weight Watchers. I called a friend that had done the program before and asked her for some of her material. I started my journey that evening at dinner time. January 8th 2013.

So the first 6 weeks I did it on my own at home. It wasn’t till middle February that I joined the Weight Watchers team. I went to my first meeting on February 19th. Found out I was allowed 29 points and day and of course my husband was allowed 59 points a day (figures) But, much to my surprise I had already lost 21 pounds. In 6 weeks! Woo-Hoo! How encouraging, of course I know in the beginning you will lose a bunch and then it kinda slows down and evens out. But still, Yay!

When you try to make a change in your life you can expect some resentment from other people. That’s okay today you ask me “Why?” tomorrow you will ask me “How?”

Okay, so, you can imagine my relationship with exercise, right? It was kinda like “If you see me running, you better run too, cuz something is chasing me!” So, what does “jump in head first Jaimee” do? I signed us up for a 5k! Yeah, that’s right at this point it’s March. I am 214 pounds and feeling froggy. Oh yeah did I mention the 5k is in May! Well, it’s paid for so no turning back now. My always supportive and now 250 pound husband says “Then I guess we need to buy some running shoes and hit the pavement.”

Okay so my lungs and running skills are less than stellar but, they will get better, right? Gosh I hope so…If not I hope they have a medic readily available at the 5K! 

So a couple weeks into my running and I use the term running loosely. I got a Weight Watchers Activelink. It’s this neat little doo-hickey about the size of a jumpdrive that you wear and it measures every move that your body makes. You earn extra activity points! Bonus! It kinda keeps you motivated and moving because you feel you are held accountable for what you do (or don’t do). 

I found the Weight Watchers program to be easy as long as you were honest with your self and your tracking “The saddest lies, are the lies we tell ourselves”

April 9th I hit my first small goal!!! Get the scale under 200 pounds!! Yes, in 3 months and 1 day I lost 42 pounds!!!! Who would ever have dreamed it was possible for me to lose 2 pounds more less 42 pounds! But, let me tell you what. I worked for every single ounce I lost! I have tracked every single morsel and clocked every single mile. Boy howdy let me tell you about the miles that I have ran. My knees, oh man my knees… I read somewhere once that for every one pound you weigh that’s 5 pounds of pressure on your knees. What! Yeah so my knees should get an award for not running away! “And, the award for most loyal knees goes to…” I mean I just want to say “Thank you knees for sticking with me through all the abuse and neglect that you have endured through out. I promise I am going to do right by you!”

Okay, Yay, It’s May. I am now 191 pounds and it’s crunch time. I am sooo ready for the Color In Motion 5K. I am amped, Jeremy is excited and the boys are pumped…Let’s do this… Needless to say (but I am going to say it anyway) The 5K was a total blast! As you run paint is thrown at you. So you get totally covered in paint plus like 5 charities benefit. It’s a win-win! I can not wait till our next 5K! Yes we all had a great time but, most of all, I did it! Me, little miss allergic to exercise did it!!

You can do anything you put your mind to with a little elbow grease. Anything worth doing isn’t easy and anything easy isn’t worth doing. Mick Jagger taught me “Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.”

The end of May I reach my second small goal. Get the scale under 190. So, May 28th at the Weight Watchers weigh-in I was 186. Oh my goodness. 186. I can not fathom the fact that I have lost 54 pounds. If what I read is true that means that I have taken 270 pounds of pressure off of my knees. Along with the countless other health benefits that I have gained. Jeremy is 9 pounds from his goal of 220. He didn’t have as much to lose but again he’s 6ft4 not 4ft9. 

One of the most amazing things that has happened on my weight loss journey is the fact that people are turning to me for inspiration. I get so many messages from friends and family asking me for advice, telling me their stories. I can’t even imagine me being the one that is inspiring people. Me! The ever chunky, short girl. The girl that went from chunky, to fat, to obese, to morbidly obese is giving advice on weight loss and exercise. Really! What is this alternate universe that I am now living in? Wait! It’s reality and it’s really real.

I just tell them. There’s no tricks. There is however blood, sweat, tears, fears and doubts. There are times you want to give up, walk away, and throw in the towel but those are the times you work harder. Then you know you have really accomplished something. Weight loss isn’t a fad diet. You are either on a diet or off a diet. You lose and then you gain. Up and down, rollercoaster. I didn’t want that. I wanted real and I wanted results. If I wanted to see change I had to change. So I changed my life. Weight loss isn’t a fad diet, it’s a lifestyle change!

I could never have gotten this far without the support of my amazing family and friends. I would not have even known where to begin or how to do what I have done or been inspired to accomplish anything without Weight Watchers. The meetings seemed so intimidating. The whole thing is surreal because basically you are walking into a room and admitting to everyone (even if you don’t say it out loud) “Hey, ladies. I’m fat.” But, you know what I figured out? There you are equals. We are all there for the same reason. They aren’t there to judge. They are there to support you and you are there to support them. The outpouring of love and support is unbelievable. I recommend the meetings to anyone who feels alone in their journey. Thank you Weight Watchers for everything you have done for me. You know why? Because it works!                                                                                                                                         

Although I only did Weight Watchers for about 3 months. Honestly I just couldn’t afford it. But I did take what I learned from it and used it to continue to be successful. It taught me not to diet but to change my lifestyle. That is exactly what I did. So now I have a new relationship with food. I no longer hate food. I no longer eat to hide the pain. I no longer eat out of boredom or stress or because it’s there. I enjoy food now. As an adult I became vegan so no more condiment masks. I eat to fuel my body. I eat for my health and I eat right so my boys will eat right.

My weight loss journey is ongoing. I am a work in progress. I have learned so much about my self. I have done things I never thought would be possible again. Audrey Hepburn said it best “Nothing is impossible, The word itself says “I’m possible.”